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Darrel's Column

The World’s Best-ish
Written by Darrel Bristow-Bovey
Monday, 19 December 2011 13:47

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“I don’t want to be the best,” said Porky Withers, ripping open a plastic packet of pink Vienna sausages with his teeth. “I want to be the best of the best.”

“Then you do want to be the best.”

“No, better than that.”

“But the best is the guy better than everyone else. ‘Best of the best’ is kind of a meaningless statement, because anyone you’re better than can’t be the best.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” said Porky Withers. “Then I just want to be the best.” Add a comment

 

Blue Smarties! Since When?
Written by Darrel Bristow-Bovey
Thursday, 29 September 2011 09:45

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Something very strange happened the other day, as I was receiving a handful of Smarties from a neighbourhood 12-year-old I’d caught trying to steal a cat. The handful just didn’t look right.

“When did they start making blue Smarties?” I wondered aloud.

“They’ve always made blue Smarties,” said the kid, but if there’s one thing I know about kids, it’s that they lie. They also break things, don’t meet deadlines, steal cats and eat ice cream without getting fat, but mainly they lie. I followed up the issue with some candy-loving adults of my acquaintance and discovered to my astonishment that the blue Smartie, that...

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Move over, Corrie
Written by Darrel Bristow-Bovey
Tuesday, 12 July 2011 15:21

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My buddy Yash has a strategy for fixing the mental frailties of the South African cricket team.

“We already have a strategy,” I told him. “The strategy is we keep on calling them chokers and reminding them that they always choke, and we keep doing it until they stop choking.”

“But isn’t that the same strategy the Australians used against us, except they did it to make sure we did keep choking?”

“So?”

“So if you want a certain result, why would you continue doing something that has in the past brought precisely the opposite result?”

That’s what I don’t like about Yash. He always tries to bring a rational element and emotional maturity into conversations about sport. Add a comment