The Best Jokes We Heard This Year:

• 1. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 this morning! Can you believe that – 2.30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
• 2. Paddy says, “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador.
• “Really?” asks Mick. “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”
• 3. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! 
• At least I presume she was poor, she only had R2 in her purse.
• 4. My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
• 5. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. First I was afraid, then I was petrified.
• 6. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
• 7. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

Best of Bieber

Isn’t it strange that a pint-sized, hair-flipping adolescent would attract so much attention? Justin Bieber is by far YouTube’s best entity, holding the record for the most views with 631 357 015, for Baby! The Biebs, as he’s affectionately known to the universe, also holds position number eight for One Time (267 112 804 views) and nine for Never Say Never (262 623 751 views). Other heavyweights of “the Tube” include Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance at number with 417 388 121, Shakira’s Waka Waka at number three with 400 849 313 and Jennifer Lopez’s On The Floor, featuring Pitbull, at number four with 393 968 175.

Best Hoax

In 1965, BBC TV decided on an April Fool’s hoax that featured an interview with a professor who had just invented a device called the “smellovision”. This miraculous technology allowed viewers at home to experience aromas from the studio – like brewing coffee and perfume. During the feature, a number of viewers actually called in to say they could smell the scents. Obviously no aromas were ever “transmitted”, and the hoax became an interesting example of the power of suggestion.

The Best Facts To Know… sort of.

Q: Which creature has contributed to more deaths of people than any other?

A: The mosquito.

Q: What is the largest seed in the world?

A: The coconut.

Q: Is it possible to tickle yourself?

A: No. The cerebellum, a part of your brain, warns the rest of the brain that you are about to tickle yourself. Since your brain knows this, it ignores the resulting sensation.

Q: Is it possible to live without a head?

A: Yes, a cockroach can live up to nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Best Deal of All Time!

Warner Chappel Music, an American music publishing company and a division of the Warner Music Group, owns the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. They make more than $1 million in royalties every year from the commercial use of the song.

Best In Show

A lanky 45kg Scottish deerhound named Hickory won Best in Show at the 2011 Westminster Kennel Club dog show in New York City – a big deal in woof world! This was the first time in the show’s 135-year history that a deerhound has won the title. But unlike other winning breeds, experts don’t think the deerhound’s popularity will soar merely because of its gigantic size. Scottish deerhounds were originally bred for hunting deer in the highlands of Scotland and are apparently still able to bring down a 125kg stag – hopefully not on a leisurely walk!